Our God Reigns
A Testimony of God’s Healing Love…. Dawn Waldeis
Come to me, all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
This invitation, like none other, began ringing through my ears over and over again until it finally settled into my heart. There was a place I could go with all my pain and heartache – and His name was Jesus. Of course, I had known this idea my whole life, but I hadn’t truly known Jesus.
So begins my healing journey, all my past mistakes and regrets, pain, and disappointments, I brought them to Jesus, day by day and he began to show me “great unsearchable things” (Jeremiah 33:3) that I did not even know were hidden in my heart and they were holding captive my body and soul.
My past was one that I thought was typical of a believer. I went to church and was taught of a God that was big and scary and I was taught - or I perceived - that you do no cross God, or you will be punished. He was to be obeyed and there was no room for mistakes.
Now, I know of course that this perspective that had formed within me had left no room for Jesus or the grace and forgiveness that He alone can offer through His death and resurrection. But, as a child, a teen, and a young adult, I believed that the more mistakes I made the further away I was from God, so I gave up trying to “do good” to be right with God. I believed that this God that I had loved so much certainly had to be so disappointed in me. Our perspective of God shapes everything within us and in turn what comes out of us.
Back to my healing journey with the Lord. My pain was intense, radiating through my entire body, chronic, fatiguing and affecting my every movement, my vision and my thoughts, my head aching to a point where I could no longer lift my head. I was laid prostrate before the Lord and realize now that is exactly where I needed to be, at His feet.
The doctors that were seen and the testing that was completed showed no reason or cause for this debilitating pain, yet it was occurring and worsening as each day went by. A local pastor whom I did not know well called me and said that the Lord brought my name to his mind and that he would like to come pray for me. I was quite receptive to this offer, so he and his wife came and prayed with me and anointed me with oil as James 5:14 states we are to do and then they left. Through their prayer, the Lord had spoken two very distinct things to my heart.
The first was that this “dis-ease” that I was suffering with was “emotional”.
The second was that I needed to learn a new way to live.
At that time, the verse Matthew 11:28-30 came upon my heart and came into focus. He says in this verse – learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart – those attributes of God were not ones that I believed of Him, so I began crying out in repentance and deep pain asking God to please forgive me for not knowing Him well and for walking on my own for so long – I confessed to Him that I needed Him and asked him to heal me, from all of this pain and despair. So, He began to teach me a new way to live, dependent on a God who loves me deeply and cares about where I have been and where I am going. This new way began with meeting with Jesus every morning, afternoon and evening, day after day after day, probably for close to a year. Each time He revealed an old wound from my past that I had never processed. I was holding/ repressing pain and emotions with each one. Gently He began to cleanse these hurts in my heart. These hurts had caused so much physical pain in my body. As He revealed, He healed with His words of loving kindness.
As stated in Romans 2:4, the kindness of the Lord is meant to lead us to repentance, so as He gently healed, I also saw many things that I had done that were not keeping with His ways or plans for me. With this new realization I began a practice of confession and repentance in my time with Him and every time I was met with grace, love and forgiveness. Together as we began to unravel all the false beliefs I had about God and all the emotions that I had locked up within, He taught me a new way to live, vulnerable and open with my heart in my times with the Lord, allowing His words and His truth to wash over me and begin to bring beauty back into focus in my life. The emotional “build up” of unprocessed pain, childhood trauma, grief, anger, disappointment and so many other emotions had caused depression, anxiety and extreme distress on my body and nervous system. Years of carrying shame and blaming myself for things that were done to me in my past left quite a mark and was a heavy weight to bear. This shame took much more time to carefully process. Past sexual abuse touched deeply into every layer of my being and could only be healed fully by the love of God, washed by the blood of Jesus, and sealed by the power of the Holy Spirit, and then consecrated for His glory. God brings purpose to our pain if we surrender it to him. He transforms our pain and invites us to minister to people who have gone through similar circumstances if we allow Him. Many circumstances in my past were not good, but our Sovereign God is good. He is loving and kind and oh so gentle with our heart. God transforms our pain and brings Beauty from Ashes. Isaiah 61 states this beautiful work of Jesus – He bestows a crown of beauty instead of ashes, he rebuilds our ancient ruins and restores the places long devasted, He sets captives free, and He binds up the broken hearted. This is what Jesus offers, salvation and everlasting life - Yes and Amen. He also offers healing, freedom, and restoration now here on earth as it is in heaven, and He gives us a new heart and a new spirit as found in Ez. 36:26-27. I encourage anyone who is reading this testimony of His love and light, to take it to Jesus- All that you have been holding unto, let it fall at His feet and may He bring beauty from ashes, In Jesus name!
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I pray that it brought some light into your heart. I want to share the heart journaling process that the Lord taught me through my healing journey. Out of this healing process: Beauty from Ashes: An Expressive Heart Journal was created. The Lord blessed me with this gift of holding time and space for Him to speak into and heal my heart. He has enabled me to meet with women through ministry and biblical counseling to share His gospel truths and invite them into a new hope and healing through Jesus Christ. I pray that this journal blesses you and brings you into a sacred space with the Lord for healing and a whole heart. I invite you to order your copy today at this link or feel free to email me at dawn@dwell-ministries.com
May His word go forth and not return void, may it accomplish what He desires and achieve the purpose for which it was sent, In Jesus name, Amen. Be blessed!!